I wanted to write about my constant frustration about not having enough time to do all the things I like. Some ultimately have to be set aside to give way to more practical ones. It is always difficult to balance my creative and technical sides on the premise that the balance should be financially rewarding or at least would allow me to survive. The moment you decide to give equal time to both, and open up to projects, all things start to get crazy. It is a vicious cycle.

I feel frustrated that I cannot devote much time to my mobile programming “hobby.” When I decided to do mobile device programming late part of 2011, I joined hack-a-thons and a kickstart event early to mid 2012. But eventually my regular work ate up my time because the part time deal converted to full time work. There were lots of ideas that I could (have) start(ed), and I thought at that point were pioneering, but eventually others beat me to the implementation (because they have the necessary logistics for it). My initial attempt at forming a development team was not successful as a result of conflicting priorities and probably because of my “management style.” Moodsee is turning a year soon. Our contemporaries are starting to launch or have already launched.

Ever since I can remember, I have been real passionate about music and trying to make music. There has always been this attraction towards music instruments (and trying to play them) even if I never had the chance for formal musical training. It has always been playing by ear or from memory, and noodling from a basic chord. This year I have decided to go back to performing and making new material because it kind of marks a milestone in my music “career.” My complaint here is that I consider myself socially inept and would rather keep to myself. That means I lose (or lost a lot of) chances to link up with people who could (have) help(ed) promote my stuff or advance my “career.” It looks like it boils down to who you know in the business. How I wish someone could do public relations for names are for tombstones or Watari’s Machine or Synthicide, a publicist or manager, shielding me from dealing with people directly and negotiating stuff.

I do not actually wish for any resolution to my “problems” above. I feel I still have time (though not much since I am approaching middle age) to try and steer my circumstances to realize these dreams/wishes. I believe the one thing I have to do is be more consistent or insistent. I have a tendency to lose interest quickly or be flighty that something new will catch my attention.

That being said, care to join my continuing but frustrating adventure?